I am becoming more aware of the fact that attitudes and feelings create vibrational frequencies. Moods come to dominate every situation, and they can be felt. For example, as I utter the word fuck, a frozen water bottle projectiles onto my mother’s foot as she opens the freezer. It seems as if molecular existence adapts itself, can be warped according to the mind’s whims and wishes. I walk through life like a dowser and when I think, the world responds. Humans are the original creator-gods and like the panther, I have vision into the alchemy.
Sometimes, I like to glance at my sister while she reads. The creamy walls of her room are bathed in the warmth of shaded lamp-light, and this recalls the translucent wings of a moth. It is moth light. This light reflects her inner state of peace and tranquility. But the light in her mind is of a different quality. It works even when she’s dreaming. She is all drama, a young girl meant for the stage. Within her, I see possibilities, but they are delicate and easily bruised. I think there is a book in her. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, my mother finishes what she has been cooking. Sweat drops fall down her face. She is unilluminated, all primal emotion, dark anger, and fear. When she wants something, we must give it to her: she knows exactly how to punish us. She is not like the both of us, she was not born feeling and seeing in the full spectrum of color. She is simplistic, like a sentence. Does she know that two geniuses are working? Does she know that we are tied to her solely because we need her? What she holds above us are her monetary gains, but when we crest into the peak of adulthood, we will have outstripped this working class woman.